Survived

Sweet as flowers blossoming in the field
Protective as a strong iron sheild.
Your support-solid, firm and unmoveable
Your Love-mesmerizing divine and unmatchable.
I know you shine even brighter than the starlight,
If not in the world then in the hereafter.
I cherished your love for me throughout your life.
Losing you was like getting stabbed by a knife.
Only if I knew I had no time to share my feelings for you before you left.
l would have hardly slept to tell you what I felt.
I still cant forget them brown pupil of your eyes
Them brown pupil that yelled Help
I remember how you secretly cried to bed praying for your life
I promised you that you would be fine.
Read your positive reports to you,ensured you that you were all okay
I asked you if you felt pain.
You refused, saying you were still sane.
But your eyes screamed otherwise
Pain vivid in them brown pupils.
I wish I could be as strong as you were
But life doesn’t play fair, does it?
Sure it doesnt
If it did
I would probably have you now.
5 months Father. 5 whole months.
I’ve survived.

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Beyond the sad forest

Is it the negativity inside me that’s killing my inner peace ?
Or just the other side of me , let me know please

You never expect bad things to happen to you
You never think life can be unfair to you too

But now that I have suffered this much
I’ve decided to survive but not trust

I want to see beyond the sad forest of my life
A place where i can live with my loved ones and smile

I want to smile in the most genuine way
With my heart filled with lots of love,
but happiness doesn’t comes in a tray

You realize Life isn’t fair one day
The day when you feel your nothing but just clay

So don’t lie to yourself in any way and just Say
Whatever’s the truth otherwise you’ll have to pay.

Me

I keep gazing at the part of my facebook homepage which says what’s on your mind.I feel that the real problem is that I don’t have anything on my mind. I wana think, look forward but my mind body and soul just don’t coordinate. Tears don’t fall when they are supposed to. To flow and lighten the weight of my heart. I just end up sitting somewhere in the corner feeling nothing.I never thought pretending would be so difficult. Everyday is a new challenge. Be it Keeping up my smiling face, managing the way I look or acting okay. anything..
I wish there was a shelter for me to go and stay for sometime. To have some time to myself just to process the things life has shown me.
It’s not that I’ve always been a person with all facilities. I’d faced some things in life too but never did i think that i would have to witness such things and undergo this phase in my life where I would feel so helpless, recked and broken. With no urge to live.
I feel sad that I couldn’t thank Allah for giving me those blessings in life when I had them. I feel devastated that I took everything for granted and never thought I would lose them.
Never did I think that every loved one has to die and leave you alone, never did I think life had another page to itself that wasn’t so beautiful and easy as the previous.
Now I realize, only Now that we don’t give importance to the blessings Allah has given us.
A healthy family. A complete family.
Until and unless its broken.
And ripped into pieces that are irreplaceable and can’t be fixed.

Emptiness

I wanna show you how badly I’m in need of love
Oh, I wish this wouldn’t happen to me, Please help me cope.

I’m tired of getting through these emotions,
Emptiness drooling over my soul like slow poison potions.

All I needed was your presence and the love you gave.
Insensitiveness is now the only thing I chase.

I’ve forgot how It felt to be secure
The torment is something more than just woe

I can’t find anything to sooth my turmoil
The discomfort is burning like a blazing foil

Saw you in my dream last night
Woke up and felt so damn light

You’d always been there for me Dad
I wish life gave me the chance to stand by you too, now i feel so sad.

I hope you’re alright and doing good
Afterall that’s what I want from God.

Pouring my heart

I tripped on my way by a rock stuck in the soil
The ground made my head pound and my heart boil.
I smiled through my lips revealing my teeth
didn’t want anyone to see the pain underneath
Happy and content was what I looked
But, no one knew the way I was crooked.
They heard my laughters and saw me enjoying
I wish they could feel my distress and see me dying
Here I am pouring my heart into these words
Knowing that wouldn’t do much to my fresh wounds.
I fell, got hurt but got up
Wanted someone to hold my hand and bring me up
Didn’t have no one except myself
Wish there was someone who could offer me help.
I’m living in another world
With all my tears used up.
Ohh.
Save me from the world and take me down there,
To a place where we could breath and stay fair.
I’ve never thought to stay away.
Don’t let me go when you know I’m not okay.

Hannah-Chapter 4

We reached Jacks home in few minutes.
Miss Jhon was busy making food in the kitchen and Neymar was playing in the garden.
We entered the lounge side by side.Jack was quiet.
It was upsetting me. I wanted to know the matter. Was he mad at me or what?
I peeked at my left side to have a look at his neck. The sign was at its place. Still the same. Jack turned and said.
I need to go.
And vanished.
I picked Neymar and bid goodbye to miss Jhon. She insisted that I shall stay for dinner but I I wanted to give Jack some space and time to think.
At reaching home I went to take a long hot bath to drown away my stress.
I kept thinking about the conversarion at the tree house. Something kept budging me to reconsider what they said.
But my brain was fighting against the thought. I don’t beleive in such things I assured my self again and again.
I changed in my comfy T shirt and trousers and turned on my ipod. Music was something I couldn’t sleep without.
There was a lot to think about.
My thought kept varying from Troye to Harry to Jack and then Neymar. I had do earn some money to get her treatment started.. I was going to sleep when my phone buzzed. Someone was calling me through a private number. I picked up.
Hey, I said still sleepy.
Hello, it’s Harry, he replied.
‘Ohh Harry.. Umm yeah?’ I barely whispered.
‘I wanted to check on you’, he said
I’m good thanks,I murmured.
Ahan alright..
I was about to hung up on him when he spoke up again.
I wasn’t lying about the thing I told you earlier today, he started.
I bit my lip in nervousness.
‘I think we must talk about it tommorow’ I interrupted.
Ya.. Whenever you say.
Ohkayy Harry.
Wait.
Umm yes?
Night, He said.
And hung up.
The way he said night gave me a deja vu sensation.
I was left with my thoughts again. This time for very long.
——————————————–
Hey! Stop. I’m tired Danyal stop.I shouted
I was using my getting tired technique to slow him down.
He was a great athlete. We used to play together but he was always fast.We were friends since 5 years now.
We met in 4th standard and imediatrly connected.
His reserved and deep personality was a perfect match to my dominant one.
To me, he never grew. He was still the same best friend I had in fourth. Nothing had changed not even my poor running abilities. I was at his place. We were making invitation cards for friends.He was organizing a get together. I had decorated the whole garden with yellow lights flowers and decent decore. Music,food and all other arrangements were done. We had to drop invitation cards now.
It was the time of fall. Our houses were two blocks away. The roads were surrounded by huge trees and bushes. The place was old school but beautiful. We used bicycles to travel here and there visiting each other. It was fun since we didn’t have the licence yet. Our relationship was something special. I couldn’t name it though. It was like true and pure friendship. He was tall handsome and most of all he had pretty captivating eyes that kept changing colours. Everything was going well until the get together.
Everyone had fun that night.I had great time with Danyal.
The party ended quiet late. I was laying on the sofa when I heard him come into thr lounge.
‘Everyone’s gone’, he said rubbing his neck.
‘Umm yeah I’m on my way too’ I replied getting up.
Wait he said.
Umm yes?
Night, he whispered.
His voice was bare yet soft. There was something about the way he said it. Slow and hearttouching.
I walked through the lounge towards the door. He paced behined me awkwardly to see me off at the door. I didn’t say anything and left. I had just taken a few steps when I couldn’t stop turning around. I looked behind to see him standing, his eyes shining so bright. Our eyes locked for a minute but then I turned and rode my bicycle back home.
The next day I woke unusually late. It was evening already. And I had missed school.
I ran to Tony’s room but couldn’t find anyone in the house. There was a note for me on the fridge.
Hello,sleepy
couldn’t wake you up
Not sorry at all
Xoxo.
Tony broda..
I smiled at his cheesiness. I checked my phone to reply to the dozens of messages Danyal would have been sending me for missing school but found none.
It made me really upset but then I thought he might be sleeping too. I felt really dizzy amd decided to get some good sleep that day.
I woke up at dinner. There was still no sign of Danyal. At food tony was really quiet he kept peeking on me.
What? I said.
‘Is something wrong or Do I have something on my face?
I’m sorry, he said.
For what I snapped.
I heard… I heard that Danyal and his fsmily left town. I’m Sorry I know you don’t wana talk about it and you missed school today because you’re upset. I know but I’ll always be with you. No matter what.
I couldn’t process his words.
I was frozen in my seat.
All I could think was that he left without saying goodbye.

Possible

Eh life I’m waiting
To see the evil disappear
And the good grow
Why eh life why are?
People still breathing, in the same world.
Oh I’m still waiting
For you to show me,
The bad evaporating and vanishing like smoke
Oh I want to see so bad,
The love prosper into a flower beautifully beaming.
Wanna see hate failing oh so miserably,
that it gets erased from the world.
Oh life! Im still waiting.
Aren’t you listening?
Dont wanna die in this big bad world
Oh life! I know,
Many wish to see the world full of love
But little sutrive to mark a change
I know, Oh life!
That its easy said than done
But I’m determined oh life!
To do something as little as a raindrop
Or as big as the ocean,
for this world.
You’re not too bad eh life,
Its just that you’re unpredictable and
unfair sometimes.
But I guess that’s what you are.
You’re just like a painless scar
You’re happy and level-headed
Eh life,
You’re tough and uninformed.
I hate Oh life that you keep on changing faces,
And yet leave no traces.
I wish you were just the same for all
Maybe then we could live happy and not fall.
I’m waiting so crazy for you to show me the other face,
I hope that it’s possible in my case.

Melting me down

There has never been a day
That I haven’t remembered those eyes

Looking into my soul
Crushing me down
Under the burden of an unknown connection.

There has never been a day
That I haven’t imagined being yours

Thinking through reality
Finding a way
Leading to a path with the same destination

There has never been a day
That I haven’t wished to be near you

Breathing with you
For the rest of my life
Craving for your presence.

There has never been day
That I haven’t waited for you to come
And look me into the eye.

Melting me down in your arms
And carassing my cheeks
Ensuring me to be yours
And you to be mine.

Tired

I’m tired of this heavy burden on my shoulders
Love one sided- with no future and no growth.

I always thought there would be a day,
A moment for my love to prosper and glow
But it feels like this feeling is getting out of flow.

I can’t breath, I want to get out of this weight.
But it keeps running back to me uninvited yet welcomed.

I’m losing myself trying to forget you
It’s like you’ve won a huge part of me

But I’m used to difficulties
I’ll get over it and it doesn’t have to hurt.

I’ll be me
With no mending and no amendments
I’ll be me
Free to love and to be loved.

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